Saturday, March 24, 2007

50 Things Guys Wished Girls Knew

I found some of the things listed here as funny. And that some, if not all, in my own opinion, may have come from a jerk... sorry... but i do think that the guy who wrote this may prove to be a real jerk after all.

In this day and age, there are so many things that guys do that annoy their female counterparts. The scratching of privates, wearing the same outfit twice in one week, the grunting, the drinking until passing out in the kiddie pool on a hot summer day. Hey, we've all been there, am I right? Ok, maybe not. However, women are not without their faults. While admittedly I do my share of things that piss people off, I cannot be held accountable for the entire male species, just as no single woman is responsible for their species either. While it may be easy and convenient to generalize based on a single incident from the opposite sex, it’s just not fair. In the interest of equality, I have created a list of things that women should know about the male species. I have read several articles across the internet that includes a list of 50 things women feel men should know. There have also been attempted rebuttal articles, but I feel they fell short of what we ultimately think women should know. Thus, I present “50 Things Guys Wished Girls Knew.”

1 – We are not mind readers. If you don't tell us you want, you're not getting it.

2 – If you don't stop kissing your girlfriends like that, we're going to expect threesomes.

3 - You are held responsible for everything you say/do during that “time of the month.”

4 - I hereby proclaim that “time of the month” as blowjob week.

5 - When there's red tide in the ocean we may exercise the right to go out back and play in the mud.

6 - Smoking isn't as cool as you and your friends make it out to be.

7 - You forfeit all rights to control who we sleep with if we are only friends.

8 - Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answer to.

9 - We're going to look. It’s inevitable.

10 - We don’t want to hear how much you want to fuck (insert hot male celebrity here) as much as you don’t want to hear us say how much we want to fuck (insert hot female celebrity here). If you stop, we'll stop.

11 - We don't care what you say; white cotton panties and spaghetti string tops are the sexiest thing ever.

12 - We touch ourselves. It’s ok to admit you do the same.

13 - More swallows means fewer storks.

14 - Using your teeth may result in you not having them when you come back up. Keep that in mind.

15 - Its not the dress/jeans/pants that make your ass look fat. It’s your fat ass that makes your ass look fat. Don't blame it on Levis.

16 - If you have to ask, maybe you should go to the gym.

17 - We don't think about you all the time. Get over yourselves.

18 – Face it, you can’t drive. Even if you think you can drive, you can't drive... catch our drift?

19 - Should you show up and interrupt an evening with the guys, don't expect our attention to be diverted to you.

20 - Sundays are reserved for football, not mall shopping.

21 - We'll take things at face value just to spite you. You say you only want a card, that’s what you'll get.

22 - Most of us will never think before we speak. Just accept this.

23 - If we ask you to dance, don't act shocked and amazed. We frighten easily and may become skittish to the idea if you hesitate. If you choose not to dance, expect us to go find the trashiest girl available to dance with.

24 - Just because you can admit you are wrong, does not mean we will.

25 - The age old rivalry of boys vs. girls and who is smarter ends here. We leave you with Stephen Hawking. Rebut that.

26 - We own, on average, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 of which are falling apart. We are not the best people to seek advice from when deciding which shoes go with your dress.

27 - Taken from another list by some chick: "I bet if every gas station attendant looked like Cindy Crawford, you wouldn't have such an issue with asking for directions.” Incorrect. Women have no sense of direction. If you did, we wouldn't have to stop and ask someone else... we could ask you.

28 - In regards to laundry, there are 3 piles: Good to wear, one last hurrah, and past its prime. Learn it, live it, love it.

29 - We don't care if your outfit doesn't look right; just don't make us late for dinner with our parents.

30 - If we've done something wrong, tell us. Be a big girl and use your words. Crying, shoulder shrugs, yelling, nasty looks and the silent treatment all translate into us going to play video games.

31 - We don't care how supermodels get/keep their bodies. We do, however, appreciate that you do not jam your fingers down your throat or not eat on purpose.

32 - Insecurity is not as attractive as you think it may be.

33 - If it has 2 or 4 wheels and rumbling exhaust, it gets our undivided attention.

34 - While drinking at the bar, we reserve the right to kick any guy’s ass that looks at you. It’s instinctive.

35 - Chick flicks: Once a year, on your birthday, non-negotiable.

36 - Having cute outfits to wear to bed will get you further than cute outfits that you wear in public.

37 - Yes, we've thought about your sister/best friend that way.

38 - Sex in public does not count as a PDA.

39 - We don't drag you out to go tool shopping; don't drag us out shopping period.

40 - Marriage is not a license to get fat.

41 - Opening up to us in no way guarantees reciprocity.

42 - Most of the time we don't remember what he had for dinner last night. How can you expect us to notice when you trim your hair a bit.

43 - We are not pawns in whatever evil plot you have to piss off friends/relatives.

44 - Failure to provide sexual gratification may cause us to look elsewhere for said gratification. You've been put on notice.

45 - Blue balls are not the ones you use for racquet ball. If you cause this condition, be prepared to remedy it or suffer the consequences. [See # 44]

46 - We need sleep. If for some reason you feel the need to interrupt sleep, here are acceptable methods 1) you naked on top of us 2) giving head 3) a meal of some sort that coincides with the time of day you wake us up.

47 - Porn. If you don't like it, you know where the door is.

48 - Say whatever needs to be said during commercials, not during the game.

49 - Welcome to the 21st century, open your own goddamn door.

50 - Anniversaries are a yearly thing, not a weekly thing.

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