My heart is feeling really heavy today. And I don't really wanna delve into the nasty details, but let me just clue you in that it's not my bf that I'm talking about here.
I didn't really expect it to happen, or maybe I had an idea that it was possible but not that it was at all probable. I hardly ever thought that a principled man like him who is known to be such a stubbornly determined person can ever stoop that low. I never, ever thought it was possible until I was given the gross details of the corroborating evidence. But I just couldn't hate him (there, it's a guy alright...).
By now you might be so curious as to who this person is, but I'm obliged not to say or to give a specific name or standing or whatever detail to protect his identity. There may be readers of this blog that may have an idea who I'm talking about. And for those of you who now do, please, please, please keep it to yourselves. Just let me vent out my feelings thru this post.
I was 'awakened' by a rather desperate plea for someone to listen. To scrutinize the 'evidence' as it is termed. So I did, I listened, went through all that was available at that time, all the while trying to be as objective as possible, because if I get tainted by my emotions, or that familiarity, then my judgment will not at all be fair.
I listened, it took a while for this person to dole it all out. And I was getting a little frantic to finish it already. It was hurting me. I didn't want to believe, because it's not believable, mind you, but the information just keeps on flowing. Details upon details upon details, of the messages sent and received between these people, there are three actually, including the guy involved, but excluding this person who has found it on herself to let me know. All may have started several months back, and the talebearer has had hunches about this ever since. Just didn't wanna think that it could somehow be true. I am not actually saying it's true, but its rather possible.
I find it annoying that I should be involved in this, it should be domestic, locked between the persons first-handedly involved, but as I thought about it, hey, it's good that I was told.
I really am not sure how I feel about all of it now, but I surely am not happy about it. I'm disappointed and at the same time, a little pissed. The guy just couldn't be selfish enough - if it was true - because he didn't think of how it will all affect everybody. Didn't even think whose reputations will be affected. Or maybe he did think, but didn't think about it a little bit more.
Grrrhhh... I don't want to talk about it, don't wanna talk to the people involved, certainly don't wanna be the one to decide on what should be done. I have had enough. I've been through something like this before, and I don't want to go through it all over again. As much as I thought it couldn't happen, well, it certainly may have. It's possible - everything's possible.