Monday, May 7, 2007

I Can't Breathe

The title says right - I Can't Breathe. Honestly I'm having difficulty breathing normally right now for some reason I can't pinpoint as of the moment. I haven't taken in any caffeine or nicotine, it just happened.

I was facing my computer, which is really a usual thing for me to do, and then suddenly bang! My chest constricted and my heart skipped a beat. I didn't feel any numbness on any other part of my body, my sight didn't black out but I still can feel the irregular rate my heart is now beating. My chest still feels heavy and pressured and the result is, I'm having difficulty breathing right now, but I can breathe nonetheless.

It started just about 11 am plus, when I started to feel some anxiety or a deep-rooted worry for something I can't specify also. I'm still trying to figure out what is it that I was thinking of or looking at before it started, but still it's a feeling I think I'm familiar with, sometimes for the superstitious people it would mean that something bad is going to happen to someone close to you within the day or the week, or that something bad is going to happen to yourself within the day or the week. Whichever it is, I hope I'm not that superstitious. I didn't have any dreams last night so I'm thinking this is something else.

try to smile and think of happy memories and thoughts that I have tried to share with you through my lifetime



As of this post, my chest is still feeling weird and I'm breathing hard and heaving in deep breaths right now so that my brain won't lose too much oxygen, my chest hurts now and my heart is loaded. I'm going to try breathing shallowly for a while because deep breaths just made me nauseous.

Good Lord, what's happening? I hope I'm not yet supposed to die. Then again, if it is, then I hope that friends are reading this post right now so that I can tell them again that guys, when I die, please try your hardest not to mourn (if you're planning to), no quiet wakes please, I'd like you guys to have a party, the party I haven't been to and should have gone to during my earlier days, play my favorite songs if you know them (or ask Tom about that, he might have some ideas what are those), you can even have videoke there so that most, if not all, of the songs can be heard live, no wearing of black please, the darkest color you can wear is navy blue, because blue is my favorite color. You can invite anyone you like to go there even if they don't know me or don't care that I'm already dead, just let them be part of the celebration and during the walk to the cemetery (if I won't be cremated), please don't show you're sad (if you are...), just try to smile and think of happy memories and thoughts that I have tried to share with you through my lifetime, even if you can't, or finding it hard to, remember any...

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