Two-Timers Galore

I visited Kuya Kevin's Blog again and saw this post entitled "Two Steps for Two-Timers". I found some of his statements interesting and I'm borrowing them from his blog (I asked for permission..):

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Sometimes I am asked about cheaters—what should you do if you discover your boyfriend/girlfriend is a “two-timer?” I have two simple steps:

1. Forgive Him/Her
2. Dump Him/Her

Before I go any further, let me define cheating. Cheating is when someone has clearly violated a commitment to his/her “special someone.”

The word “commitment” is very important. Until there is a commitment, there really cannot be cheating. If you two have gone out on just one date, you can’t get upset if you see your date with someone else the next week — the two of you may not yet be at a commitment stage. I realize that dating/courtship
is very serious in Filipino culture. Regardless, I still say that until you have verbally expressed a commitment, do not make assumptions.

“Clearly violated” is also an important phrase. I am speaking of a situation where a boyfriend/girlfriend is romantically involved with another and you know this to be true.

Overly jealous types may misinterpret certain behaviors as cheating—even with a faithful girlfriend/boyfriend. If you get upset every time your boyfriend/girlfriend says “hello” to the opposite sex, you probably need to relax.

Having explained all of this, let’s go back to a cheating scenario. Let’s pretend that you are 100% sure that your boyfriend/girlfriend has cheated. Just apply my two steps:

1. Forgive Him/Her

Forgiveness is essential to following Jesus (Matthew 18:21-22). When you forgive someone, it means that you are forgiving them for the hurt they have caused you. It means that you will not try to get revenge. It means that you wish blessings and not curses upon this person.

2. Dump Him/Her

Although you have forgiven this person, continuing the relationship is probably not a good idea. As I have mentioned before, trusting someone is different from forgiving and loving him/her. Trust must be earned and trust can also be lost. Jesus loved everyone, but He did not trust everyone.

If cheating has occurred, trust has been completely destroyed. Realistically speaking, the cheater has revealed his/her true character. Someone who cheats once is very likely to do it again. There may even be other boyfriend/girlfriends out there that you just haven't found out about.

Can a cheater change? Absolutely. Remember, however, that people must desire to change. He/she may never decide to change. Even if a cheater decides to change, it will probably take a long time for him/her to fully correct this character defect and be trustworthy. Don’t waste your time waiting around on this process. Find someone else.
--> ok, I may have some disagreements regarding this, because I think that once a person has cheated, he's most likely to do it again (based on personal experience?! secret!!!) - whether in the same relationship or in the next one. It's true, there is always hope that this person can change, and that there is nothing impossible with God, and whatever else cliches you can think of, but if in a person's heart he is not willing to change, then there's nothing you or your so-called "love" can do... A break up can be the best thing that will ever happen to the both of you, and after which you can both decide on whether you're to remain friends or not.

One thing more, just a piece of unsolicited advice:

Guys, if you have just broken up with your girlfriend but still you're friends, there will be times when you or she will decide to contact you again, just to catch up or something. In some cases, guys take the initiative - maybe just to check on his former love or just make sure that his ex is ok. But when immediately after the break up you already hook up with another girl, and this girl recognizes you as his boyfriend, and you recognize her as your girlfriend, then it is quite advisable that if and when you decide to continue having contacts with your ex, make sure that your current gf know about it. For one thing, your ex might be a little uncomfortable with the fact that you're being friendly with another girl behind your girlfriend's back, which is what you probably did to her before, and she'd choose to rather not be a reason for conflict (or a possible reason for ruining your current gf's trust) between you and your current gf. Although being friends and communicating with each other is good from whatever point of view you decide to see it, it is always somewhat better that your current partner knows who your (and maybe hers too) friends are.




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