Has it ever occurred to you, that one day you realize that all was gone with the passing of time? They all got lost in the years.
I was doing my usual thought-sorting and was slapped with the fact that, girl, didn't you notice? Almost all of your goals and dreams in the next 5 years or so have already gone crashing down on you? The plans that you carefully built and managed to slowly reach bit by bit has already been scrapped out? I am now just an ordinary happy-go-lucky lady. Whatever happens from now on shall be the work of faith and fate, not my own plans, not my own decisions. I feel I'm too tired to even plan for tomorrow. I can't think straight, I can't even establish a decent goal and find the reins to pull to get myself going. I can't even reach a simple objective as passing a report. I want to go home and take some time off but I dunno. As long as I'm alone with myself I go into this semi/mild depression thing. At least I have my tv babbling away the silence. And my mp3 phone playing songs that help me doze off so I can consciously stop thinking for about 7-8 hours. Sometimes I even think of getting another job in Manila, but that's going to be too far away from my family. I also consider the southern parts of the archipelago, but it's a little bit war-ish for me. Maybe I'll have to just slug it out here in Cebu, always having that possibility of seeing face to face the ghosts that now haunt my existence. Sometimes I wish it were them that could leave this freakin' island. I don't know how much of this torture I can take, but I'm still alive and holding on.
If only I can wish something so bad that it's granted immediately,
I'd wish for amnesia and $100 million.