Friday, May 11, 2007

If you can Live your LIfe Again, will you Change Anything?

As I as walking toward the hotel building where our offices are located, something knocked on the doors of my brain, a nice topic to blog about, just to let emotions flood through and leave my heart that's still recovering from a big blow.

If I can live my life again, will there be things that I would like to change?

If you're to ask me this question right at this moment, unfortunately I may answer you with a yes. At this point I can even replay many instances in my life that I wish I can change.

There were thoughts that shouldn't have ever occurred to me, actions that should be reversed, words that should not have been uttered, persons

God will not really give me these...if He knew that I cannot get through it

that I shouldn't have met, decisions I shouldn't have made, feelings I never should have felt, emotions that I shouldn't have ever known to be possible nor probable, and so many other things that happened in the past that started flashing right in front of me.

But after such reverie, I thought that if this same question will be asked maybe about a year or so from now, I may also have a different answer - because I know that amidst everything and everyone that has touched my life or that have happened to me, all these contribute to making me strong. To molding my personality into something that will someday really help me to overcome almost every obstacle that life would throw my way.

As it is always said, everything happens for a reason, and this time, the reason is yet to be revealed. It may come at a later time - a very LATER time - or maybe it may not be revealed after all. All I believe right now is that everything that happened happened not only because of luck or because of a plan, but we also contributed our own actions, emotions and thoughts to the unraveling of these events. Just like those paperbacks sold before where you choose your own adventure and choose the next events of the story until you reach your own chosen ending. Well, this is what actually happens in real life. I know God has major major plans, but these will not be put into action if we didn't move a muscle, if we did not make any decision,

I know God has wonderful plans for me

thought any kind of thoughts, or even said anything. But right now, because I still cannot understand why all these happened to me - of all people - all I think about to calm myself down is that God will not really give me these obstacles, challenges, pains or griefs if He knew that I cannot get through it or if He knew that I cannot handle it. He wouldn't give me these if He knew that I'd be a wreck and that it will not make me stronger or if it won't make me complete. He knows me a lot more than my mom does because He made me and I'm His daughter, so I know that there is a purpose - a hidden treasure that I will sooner or later find out for myself. Even the end of my adventure is not yet clear cut, but I know God has wonderful plans for me.

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